Dying to get to the end.

Not that many years ago I had a discussion with my husband in which I asked him if he would help me die if I was mentally alert inside a paralyzed body. I was very much a different person then and although suicide was to me a mortal sin, the fear of being trapped out trumped it. I still am terrified of this eventuality and it does indeed scare me more  than the dying bit itself. But my concept and understanding of my faith has developed. Part of the steep learning curve of the last few years has been learning to trust in God. That whatever suffering or pain I might have in my life has a purpose and that in turn he gives me the grace and friendships to get through.

Ending my life would be an easy option, it would end my suffering and that of those around me. However, this is not the Christian way. The road to discovering who we are comes from the birthing pangs of pain and suffering through which the revelation of our salvation is born. We support each other with compassion, but this does not mean ending the suffering. It means that like Mary and Veronica encountering Christ on the roadway to his Crucifixion, we share in the burden of suffering in order to make the end bareable.

Though we might be dying to get to the end, to get passed the suffering and fear to meet our maker. Much like a good book it spoils the ending if you get there to quickly and you miss out on a lot of experiences on the way that will ultimately shape who you are.  It may seem an insurmountable mountain from where we are now, but God and the Church has something to say about assisted suicide for a reason. We must first experience life with all it's feelings first, just like Christ himself. For through his cross and his suffering comes our salvation. Through our suffering and death will come the revelation of our salvation.