Not for the first time in the last few months, yesterday I was informed through people speaking on the behalf of the CofE, that although this is not perfect it is the right thing to do for us all. I knew it would happen, in some ways it should happen, we got ourselves onto a path that had to be completed the minute we accepted women into Holy orders. Being prepared does not ultimately stop the shock, disbelief and pain. It does not stop the tears.
I am encouraged and indeed have been encouraging myself to have trust in my Church and hope. Every time I have said it, it has felt more like I am trying to convince myself rather than you. Where a year ago, fresh out of college I was totally able to trust the Church. Over the last year, I have seen that even with laws in place, trust is eroded and people bullied. Christ demanded of us sacrifice, pain and suffering that we might be born again. I have a very small amount of very fragile trust and for the last time I will leap into the darkness, in the hope of new life in the Church. One of respect for all.
All I have in my mind,however, is the crowds scattered in front of Pontius Pilot being whipped up to speak against Christ clamouring for his death. From one issue to the next the press clamoured for change last night. Not change based on theology but on modern non- Christian values. All I keep hearing is "Forgive them Father,they know not what they do"
I do not write to you with big long academic words, that has never been my style. I write with honesty as to how I see the Church and our place inside it. I am sad that today I have to look at my daughter and say the majority of our Church no longer value the wonderful unique creation God made in her. It no longer respects the calling of women to be as God designed and desired. That in order to be something great she must emulate man and seek to have glory, recognition and live in the limelight. That is not what she has been brought up to value, yet to anyone who knows her, you will know she is not shy and has not had her wings clipped by a paternalistic community. On the contrary she is confident in her identity and who she is and she is content. Likewise I have not had my wings clipped and my identity eroded by the friends I have. They are the very people who have taught me not to be ashamed.
So I tentatively look to the future and in the hope Christ brings but it no longer feels as easy as it did.
Hannah I feel your pain- but I have to comment on what you have written. I do not seek the limelight, I do not seek to emulate men, I know my own unique very feminine place in God's creation - BUT I could not say no to the call God placed on my life- I could not say no to God. He has called me to be a priest, he has anointed me with His own unique gifts which find their rightful place in His church as His servant. I too wept yesterday- wept that at last my church with all its faults and flaws at last affirmed the call God has on my life in all its fullness, I don't feel gifted or called to be a Bishop- but other women are and it God's fullness of time will demonstrate their gifting as women.
ReplyDeleteHannah, I am sorry for your pain and I have been praying for all who found the decision of General Synod (and the wider Church of England) difficult.
ReplyDeleteI know that much of the media talked about the vote yesterday as being a matter of the Church ‘catching up with’ or ‘conforming to’ society, but those of us in the Church who rejoiced yesterday would be the first to say that that is really what it is NOT about. But I guess the mainstream media are unable to think about it, or at least present it, in any deeper of theological terms.
For many of us women in the Church in favour of opening the Episcopate up to women, it was solely about theology and about allowing the guidance of the Holy Spirit to enable us to further create the Church that God intends us to be. Is it the theological conviction of many of us that God indeed calls women to the priesthood and even the episcopate; to celebrate the sacraments, proclaim his Word, and shepherd His flock. Thus, for us, yesterday was a joyous moment because only then did the Church truly value the wonderful unique creation God made in us women of the Church and it was only then that the Church fully respected the calling of women to be as God designed and desired.
Obviously, the family we have in the Church (and in the Church of England specifically) do not share one theological conviction and that is why I am glad that the legislation initially failed in 2012 and we were able to vote through, what I believe to be, a much better and inclusive legislation yesterday.
Please don’t be misled into thinking that yesterday’s vote was one about confirming to society or about making women ‘equal’ (we were never ‘unequal’) - but it was all about theology and specifically about a theological conviction, albeit differently to yours and others in the Church, that God calls women (just as he calls men) to be deacons, priests and bishops.
Emily
I am not being mislead by any form of media. You are making one crucial mistake, you assume that because I chose not to write theologically, that I am not theologically informed. I have read and re-read the theological arguments on this issue. Theologically there is an answer why not to every reason why you should. This is why you have as divided Church. We have moved on our own, without the rest of the Church Catholic with whom we proclaim ourselves to be part of. Therefore,nyou were always going to divide our Church and widen the gap between us and our ecumenical partners both Catholic and Orthodox.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the grieving process you went through two years ago far more now. I am going through it myself now. Very much as you have your interpretation of the gospel and sense of Vocation, so to do I. I am the wife of a Priest, as such I feel my vocation and calling to be in aiding him in his service to God. That is not all cooking and cleaning. It involves sometimes intense theological debate and uses my skills intellectually to the full. It is who I am. I believe totally and utterly in the example of our Blessed Mother, that humble obedience to Christ with all it's sacrifices is what we are called to be. Mary is not weak and submissive, she is strong and articulate and braver in the face of judgment. She gives woman kind a great but quiet sense of dignity that I can only hope to emulate.
I do not fall into the trap of media representation. I see real women speak of expectation and entitlement to post over which no one has an entitlement to. It was an envitability that Women should eventually be allowed into the Episcopate. The Church accepts both theologies as valid, I will respect that. But I can not and will not ever accept your sacramental authority, for me it is purely and simply, wrong.