"When he had washed their feet and put on his clothes again he went back to the table.'Do you understand' he said 'what I have done to you?You call me Master and Lord, and rightly, so I,am. If I, then, the Lord and Master , have washed your feet, you should wash each other's feet. I have given you an example so that you may copy what I have done to you'"
Maundy Thursday seems a whole eternity away, so the days since have been consumed by waking, school run and hospital and then the same in reverse. It is genuinely beginning to feel like there was never a life before this. However last Maundy Thursday my husband preached a very personal sermon on how he was going to have to let others wash his feet for a while. While it was meant somewhat metaphorically at the time, it has proven to be more literally true than either us had really anticipated. I had sat in my seat feeling quite smug, thinking it will do him so good to let others help him. To let people do things for a while. I was maybe a tad too smug, it should have been a warning sign to me.
Over these last few days Christ has been very much been in our presence both in the Sacraments and in the ministry of our friends. It is easy to let Christ in to our hearts, to minister to others. It is incredibly hard to accept that your shoulders do not have to bear the cross entirely alone. It is harder still, to have the humility to let others in and share the load. I had thought that I had long ago learned to let go, to give my heart, my soul, my everything to Christ. It has turned out, I may have been a little presumptuous in this area. A little resistant to allowing Christ to carry and share the burden. Someone said on Twitter this morning that, when we offer prayers, we offer them to God because they are too painful for us to carry. It has taken me the time to offer those prayers for myself so completely and honestly, to give that pain to God, to allow him to wash my feet.
Christ's sacrifice, was one of unwavering unconditional love. It would appear that learning to accept that means you are constantly having to learn to accept yourself and allow Christ to love the very person you are. He can see my suffering and he offers his love but I have to accept it. I have to chose him, I have the freewill to walk away, to become complacent, to refuse the help. My shoulders it appears are broad, but they can not carry the world. My heart may carry a world of pain, but it will break. My mind can hold a lot, but it has to give way. Today once more I accept Christ into my life, with a bit more humility and with the acceptance that I need the help and the love and the presence of Christ.
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