5 years on

When the boxes were packed and the house empty and bare, we went to Church for the last time. I remember turning to a member of clergy at the post Mass leaving party and saying “How do I cope with this?” With the clerical voice of authority and wisdom he said “Do you drink?” Slightly bemused I replied in the affirmative. “Well then a bottle a day should suffice.” He said with a smile. So with these parting jewels of wisdom, we left for the last time.

Packed up in one lorry and down to the warmer end of the country, it may as well have been a different world. Stepping into the life of ordinands and later clergy is like stepping into an alternate reality. It is a time warped bubble of hectic serenity.

You step into a world that is very much like being back at boarding school, complete with afternoon tea with children full of fun running home from school as fast as possible for that all too precious cake.  You live in a world separate from reality, yet you cross the borders of college land and become deeply involved in reality. You encounter friendships and experiences that don’t just change you in the moment but for the rest of your life. So much changed the day the one family from the north east of England packed their bags and left for Oxford.

They talk of Formation (or what was known among spouses as the “F” word), when you leave your life you do so sceptical that such experiences can truly change who you are. But they do. It is like they take a raw family, naive and unaware and scrunch you together, run you through the tumble dryer several times and hang you out to dry in a completely different shape and colour to the way you went in.

You learn more about yourself and your family than you ever thought possible. You learn the meaning of sacrifice and the strength of family bonds that come out of such sacrifice. You know how the Priesthood works, you have seen others live it and work it but nothing hits you quite like the reality of your own husband training and living the Priesthood. The 9-5 is gone, the predictability of life vanishes, and your life stops at the drop of a hat, others become important. Your house is no longer just a home but an office. Simple things like support and confession become treks into the wilderness of next door parishes, because in yours your husband is the support and the confessor.  Most of all nothing is so bizarre and awesome as seeing your husband vested and offering Mass and baptising the faithful.

It has turned our world upside down. Would I change it for a minute? NO, never. It is chaotic and it has changed all of us but it has made us stronger, happier and the changes you see your husband make to other people’s lives is worth every single sacrifice. The joy is in the giving but also in the receiving and we have received the best life filled with so many blessings. Deo Gratias.

Into the unknown

It is dark, it is cold and the last thing I want to do is get up and catch a train. Looking back through my posts I realised how much the unknown used to terrify me. Moving around, going new places and meeting new people used to fill me with dread. However despite my reluctance to go out into the cold so early in the morning I realised I was feeling adventurous. No longer absolutely petrified or frozen by fear I was actually looking forward to it.

We all go on journeys, we usually know what our destination is and although the road sometimes takes detours or suffers traffic jams we get there. Indeed this was true of our journey, a few hiccups and minor detours but we arrived and in one piece. Rather like our move to Ilkley, I knew where I was headed but the rest was unknown.

Moving to Ilkley I had a 101 questions floating in my head. I agonized, fretted and lacked the ability to just trust. The experience taught me to trust a bit more, to hold my hand out a bit wider in the of chance someone might catch me. I will not say the more stationary emotional journey since arriving has not been without it's detours and traffic jams but we seem to be making good progress on the road, so to speak.

When we stand at the beginning of something new, we look at all the things that we anticipate with fear. You look at them, you focus on them and they grow until they fill the road ahead and you can not see a way around. What I have learnt since coming here is these road blocks are often the points in our lives where we might have a minor (or indeed a major) clash with another driver but the results are often unexpected and more often than not the end up going down the road you were headed in the first place but now the road is clear.

Learning that these obstacles in the road are not going to stop you forever is a valuable lesson. It is about having faith. It is about putting those fishing nets down as the early disciples did and following the path into what many would see as impossible. Following Christ is not impossible. It is not an easy journey but it is a rewarding one.  Christ himself faced the impossible, he died for us. When you learn to accept the fact that God made possible the impossible and gave us life eternal, you know you can conquer the smaller impossibilities.

Then all of a sudden going into the unknown is no longer impossible, In fact something really quite wonderful might happen. We got up, we took the train and we had a fantastic weekend. Today in the face of impossibility put down your nets submit to Christ and his teachings and see where he takes you. You might be stopped temporarily, stuck in a traffic jam or maybe take a detour around but one thing is sure, we can and we will find ways around the impossible because Christ will helps us through it all.

Freedom to........................................

Freedom suggests a bounty of ability, an unlimited licence do as we please because we can.  Some of the many guises of freedom have recently been up for debate. Freedom of speech, freedom of belief and freedom of equality. Many people took to the streets in a peaceful defence of our right to these things. As Pope Frances said we not only have a right to these things but an obligation to do them if we genuinely believe it is in the interest of the general well being of humanity. However, what he went on to say (in perhaps a misguided way) was freedom should come with it's own self imposed limitation, that of respect. We have the obligation to say what needs saying, but it should be done in a fashion that does not hurt or set out to offend. If we prod to much in a disrespectful manner, we can expect people to respond. We should not however have to live with violence as a response. Violence solves nothing. Healthy debate in which our freedom to air our concerns can be done intellectually and respectfully.

The trouble with freedom and equality is it has to work both ways. This is a bitter pill to swallow. For while we defend our right to say and believe what we want, we also have to listen to the opposition. We do not have to just listen but if we truly believe in freedom and equality we actually have to defend the oppositions right to say and believe what they want. Again this self limitation of respect for each other and life has to come into play here too.  But we have an obligation to listen, we have to accept and tolerate, no matter how hard this is. We should not and must not seek to silence or offend. We must keep our speech and our listening to reasoned debate. Seeking to place blame or name calling to silence those with whom we disagree is not part of the deal.

Freedom, therefore is not the limitless promise it at first glance appears to be. Equality is not a grasp all the power and step on those who have in our perception wronged us. We have all at points in our lives been entirely hypocritical in saying we believe in freedom and equality, when in reality we mean we believe in the freedom to do what I want and delivering that to the world is equality. We are at our hearts are all selfish beings. But because of this we can not and should not stand in judgement of those who have done the same. We should learn from our mistakes and our discomfort, and afford others an ear and freedom to state their beliefs. We should be prepared to hold together that which we so defiantly defend.