That gaping moment between hope and despair when grabbing on and having faith in the option available to you. When the person there says "Do you trust me?", you have to trust in the unknown and with a willingness to accept that it could all go drastically wrong. Sometimes we trust, instantly and with few questions. When we submit ourselves and our lives to God in Confirmation we are despite the lack of physical reality placing trust in him. At the point of Baptism our parents did the same, they trusted God to be with you and care for you. When you arrive at the point in your life to receive the sacraments of Confession and in turn the Eucharist you place trust in him to love and forgive you no matter what you have done. When you reach the point of committing to another in the Sacrament of marriage, we are trusting both God to hold us and our partner in life to keep the vows we make before God. These are just a few moments when we commit our trust to God and to others. While we are willing to place trust in God with the faith that he will hold us, we seem to expect more of our mortal companions. We expect them to earn our trust. It is a far more fragile form of trust, that is broken easily and hard to rebuild.
Trust is a hard concept, it leaves us vulnerable and open to pain. If it did not it would not be so valuable. There are many issues within the Anglican Church at the moment that require trust, however there has been a wall built between us all. The wall is fear, the bricks of fear and misunderstanding have built a wall that must be brought down brick by brick.
I do however have moments when I get so frustrated by everybody's (including my own) lack of ability to leave ourselves open to the wounds of Christ. We should be willing to leave ourselves open to the possibility that things might go wrong,but that in the midst of the chaos God will hold out his hand and say "Do you trust me?" It is not that easy though, we all carry our scars, identities and vulnerabilities. We bring together many traditions and theological points of view, all of whom have been hurt and feel betrayed. However I am increasingly coming to the opinion that no matter how much we try and protect the interests of all parties concerned, we can not do so by law. The only way we can make this work is, if we tear the wall down between us. Hold out our hands to each other and say "Do you trust me?"
The only way we can earn trust, is if we leave ourselves open to being wounded. If we wrap ourselves up in cotton wool, it not only shows how little faith we have in other Christians but also how little trust we have in God. I truly believe that the theological ideals I live by, is what God has set out before us as a model for life. It is much a part of who I am and how I live my life as my faith in God. If this is true, should I not be prepared to stand and trust that I will be safe if I risk a little of who I am. When we turn to God we give our whole life, we should be prepared to walk away from all we have and turn to him, to trust him. I have twice now walked away from comfortable lives, one a very comfortable middle class one and the other a place surrounded by people who shared my beliefs. This makes living the life you want to lead very easy. To live unchallenged is to live without strength, not to trust is not to grow in faith. Where would we be if Jesus had not entrusted his entire life to the hands of his Father? Maybe we should be prepared to do so too.
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